Neglecting feelings

Today is a quiet day, everyone is settled at the park and I decided I would check out exactly what I had written regarding the passing of my very best friend last year.  I wrote absolutely nothing; in fact our blog has a gap of almost a year.  I knew I did not write much last year but I never realized how little I did write.  I guess putting anything to paper just made the reality of losing Myrna too much for me to handle and now facing Ray’s death is bringing back memories but I am able to actually face them now a little better.  Myrna told at the Family Gathering in 2010 that she feared she had cancer and then it was confirmed in August, there was no cure, chemo and radiation would prolong her life but not cure her cancer.  I noticed I did not mention how we all missed Myrna at the Family Gathering this year either, interesting how I neglected to mention that in my post yet we all talked about missing her at the gathering, I guess that was just another way I was trying hard not to deal with my feelings!  Shall I go back and add to my blog or leave it blank, I cannot decide.  I was also writing the story of my life for my children and I have not written a word since Myrna’s death, I guess a piece of me was just lost for awhile and I did not even realize it even though I felt something was not quit right I did not understand until now.  Ray, in your death you gave me something I did not even know I needed, thank you.